it hurts.

When you're heart is in pain my brother, my heart also pains with yours...




Lord, we take your hand, even into the darkest of places, knowing that You are God.

Though the path may be dark and the way uncertain, we trust You. You will never misguide or lead us astray... so lead us to where You want us be.

As long as we are with You, it is heaven.

Let me be honest...

A Confession...

A Lazy man does not roast his prey, But the precious possession of a man is diligence.

(Proverbs 12:27)

At the MDM conference, Pastor Ardavanis described how todays young boys and young men think they that are entitled to so much. They want want everything NOW, yet they do not know how to work for it. They loathe the idea of putting effort and labor into anything, especially when it comes to their future. He shed a great deal of light on this issue and while he as talking, I was definitely in wholehearted concurrence. As I was nodding along like a bobble head during the seminar, names began to quickly flood into my head as I recalled all the little boys in my life who needed to hear this and wake up from their "Peter Pan Syndrome." But during my great period of enlightenment, I may have forgotten one thing. I forgot to consider myself.

It seemed like a routine day. The cold finally had arrived so I put on my sweater, did my business, and went off to class. What I did not know is that my Father decided to teach me something.

It was directly after math class when I was hit by... a bus, figuratively speaking of course. It was a really big bus too. Goodness gracious, He truly knows how to wake up a sleep walker and resurrect a dead man. I felt hurt, my chest felt heavy, uncertainty arose, and I began to contemplate how I would get myself out of this mess. Of course, this situation was a gateway into many emotions, but I felt as though things were just not right. And yes, the number one question that naturally pops into the sinners head popped into mine: "Why God?"

But it seems as though spiritual maturity and experience had caused me to answer that question while I was posing it. The conference I attended was months ago, but as I was sulking in my misfortune, the truths that were presented in my mind at that seminar started ringing today like dusty dormant bells. And since this happened in my math class at 9:10 in the morning, I truly did "wake up."

Pun intended.

But seriously, complacency and laziness sounds like a high school cliché that everyone quotes left and right. It is used as an excuse because they don't want to take responsibility for their own shortcomings. We place the blame on laziness as if laziness put a huge gun to our heads and forced us to do its bidding. May we never ever do that!

I am the one responsible for the sins I have committed.

Instant gratification!

That is exactly what I wanted...

I found myself wanting without working. It is interesting hear the struggles of my very young brothers and sisters, whom I love so much, and have so much sympathy knowing I was in that same place. Yet, I find myself reverting back to the place of "lacking diligence" and desiring that instant gratification.

Before I attempt to assist, must I not work on myself? (Matt. 7:3)

I too wanted quick results without hard work. As if I was entitled to a promotion without doing anything to merit it. Do not get me wrong beloved, I am not referring to a works righteousness, but I am referring to people that desire only the "end" yet they have no desire to go through the "means" to that end.

I am struggling with deciding on several paths that the Lord may potentially lead me to. But I see now that I have been throwing in the towel and raising the white flag whenever things got rough. As if I deserved an easy route in life? I pray that the Lord gives me strength not to fold and give up in the tough times, but instead, may he guide me and help me to persevere towards the goal of righteousness.

May He help me to work hard till the end knowing that I will enter His rest in eternity.

If you're thinking that Micah Anglo is the hero in this story, guess again. I was hurting this morning, and I'm still feeling the repercussions of my actions as of late. There may be forgiveness of sins, but the consequences of sin may still leave a scar down the road in this present life.

However, we will praise Christ for crushing the power of sin and death! Although now, sin may be present, we know that it has no eternal effect on the children of God and it cannot separate us from the love of God. Those whom He justified, He also glorified! (Rom. 8:29)

Regardless of the uncertainty now, my attitude has change.

It is unfortunate how we as children need to go through certain circumstances in order to learn a lesson. But we know that sometimes its necessary for us to experience these thing, so that we learn.

One thing puzzles me though.

I was almost instantly comforted by the fact that I understood that God is Sovereign.

Something tells me that theology works...

P.S. - I was also wounded by a dear friend today. Thank God for brothers.